It’s the opinion of this writer that only two types of people will bother reading this review.

The first type will clearly have no taste in music, while the second will probably want to know how bad the song is.

Well dear readers, it is truly awful. So awful in fact, that stretching its awfulness out over 200 words may prove too difficult a chore.

It is an understatement to say that this kind of music is a perfect advert for silence. Over exceptionally dull acoustic and violin backing, Melua relays some of the worst lyrics ever committed to record.

The fact that, like many of young Katie’s songs, Sailboat is written by Mike ‘the man behind the Wombles’ singles’ Batt shouldn’t surprise anyone at all. It can only be hoped however that even Melua’s most ardent fans take a second to actually listen to the words that she sings before parting with cash for it.

“If you were a piece of wood I’d nail you to the floor” may be the worst romantic analogy ever placed in a song, but it isn’t the worst lyric on offer here. “If you were a house I’d live in you” is pretty funny, but this writer’s personal favourite is “If I was in pain I know you’d sing me soothing songs”. Surely anyone else would call a doctor?